April Vacation

Well the third week of april is rapidly approaching, I realized this a few minutes ago and then a giant wave of sadness washed over me. April vacation is when Sierra and I go to Vermont. The first time we went she was 3, and every year it's really wonderful. Steve asked me to switch vacations with him this year because he was having some issues with work or something, and I said "fine" not thinking much of it. Now that it's here I feel a little devastated.

People talk about how much they love their kids, but it's not something you can put into words. I usually go away on some kind of trip when she's with her father for awhile to try to keep my mind occupied. It's like a piece of my heart is missing, and I hate every second of it.

I have no idea what I'm going to do when she grows up and goes to college. I suppose I'll have some kind of nervous breakdown and wind up in a mental institution. Or maybe I'll just buy several puppies and treat them like children like so many other people do when their kids grow up and move away.

I am sitting in my bed crying, wishing next week would hold mountains, the teddy bear factory, shelburne farms, Church Street, Echo, ice cream and all the other things it usually holds. Instead I will be here, not tucking Sierra into bed and singing "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star", not hugging her and asking how her day was, not waking up to find a picture and a note that says something like "To Mom, I love you. I hope you have a good day. From Sierra".

Gosh this is really hitting me hard....

blech.