I don't think I have a "normal" brain.
Right now, where I live there aren't too many people. It's the calm before the storm. In the mornings I go for a walk and on that walk I will encounter a few people. It's not like a city street where there are so many people you can just ignore them all. It's 5 minutes of walking alone and then you see a person heading in your direction. Three minutes and here comes another one.
The moment I see a person my brain goes into hyperdrive. Should I pretend I don't see them? (Not possible) Should I ignore them? (That's rude). Should I just smile? Should I add a head nod? Should I say "Hello"?. I am actually stressed out about which way I should handle this passing stranger. Sometimes I imagine myself diving head first into the nearest bushes until they pass so as to avoid all interaction.
Generally what happens is I look up at them and let them take the lead. If they don't look at me I am off the hook. Hooray! If they are smiling I smile back which often times leads to a hello or a head nod. The thing is....it's not a big deal. Except it is, to me, in that moment. I'm not sure why though unless it stems from my hatred of small talk. Or some kind of fear of rejection left over from my precious school days.
I am the type of girl who will pretend not to see someone she hasn't seen in years if she runs into them somewhere because, well, I have no idea what to say. There is no such thing as "small talk" with me. I hate it. And when I try to engage in it I just fumble awkwardly along, over analyzing every syllable that comes out of my mouth. I don't want to talk about the weather or the red sox. If I am going to have a conversation with you I want it to be real. I want it count. I want it to matter.
I want to know how you feel, how you really feel. I want to know what you think, even if it's not what I think. I want to have meaningful conversation, even if it's just about an album. I do not want to waste my time talking about who Arnold Schwarzenegger boned 10 years ago. I don't care.
Tell me what your dreams are, and I'll tell you mine.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
What happens when two introverts try to plan a big wedding
This blog is going to be in two parts. Part I is entitled "Tara drops the bomb...but it's going to be ok!" Or alternately "Hate weddings? You're welcome!" And Part II will be entitled "Let me explain..." or "We didn't feel this way about YOUR wedding. We thought it was just lovely!"
Part I
Looking back I'm not sure what we were thinking. Well, yes I do. We were thinking "What a fantastic opportunity to get all of our friends (who are scattered all over the country) together in one place for a big party! Yay!" The thought of that was so exciting that we kind of forgot who we were, and what we're about.
Now before you all go crossing "Tara & Scott's Wedding" off of your calendars stop. You're not exactly off the hook. We're still having a party, and we still fully expect you to be there. And actually this will allow us to invite even MORE of you! (And if your name is "Breck Sargent" we're going to need your services...twice.) There will be some rules for this party and the rules are as follows (We could potentially add more, but for now this is it)
1) Wear what you want. Need an excuse to get dressed up? Feel free. I'll probably be prancing around in my wedding dress (which won't look like one because David's Bridal makes me want to barf). Don't feel like getting out of your pajamas? Word...I don't usually either.We just want you to be happy.
2) Do NOT feel like you need to bring us gifts. While we absolutely appreciate the thought and the gesture we will not be registering. We have two apartments worth of stuff in this house. Actually probably slightly more because Scott saves a lot of stuff. Like old hardcore show fliers, and things that resemble a keytar, but aren't really. If you feel like you simply must get us something we will send a list of charities you can donate too in our name. We would love that.
3) You can still bring your dancing shoes. It's encouraged, actually. There will be copious amounts of vinyl and a lot of Michael Jackson. Sierra is a dancing machine and would appreciate some worthy dance partners.
4) If you live out of state please make reservations at a hotel early. We'll send you information shortly. It's cape cod, in the summer and we *really* want to see you!
Part II
I'm going to start this section off by listing reasons having a big fancy wedding is a bad idea for us. I'm in a making lists kind of mood. And then I will explain them in detail. For the record these are not in any particular order.
1) The money we could be spending on this wedding could be a decent chunk of a house down payment
2) Big wedding = no honeymoon
3) We don't like the spotlight
4) We don't dig extravagant stuff
5) The Christmas analogy
OK! So here's the thing...this is my second wedding. Which means my parents have foot the bill for this before. This time I'm on my own. I've been through a divorce. I was a single mother. We don't have *that* much saved. And what we do have saved, we are having a hard time parting with for one.day. Sure, we could take out a loan but really? We're going to start our marriage in debt for one day? Ehhhhh. I don't think that's a terribly wise decision. In fact, it seems pretty stupid. Buy a house OR Throw a big party? Hmm....Apparently I've matured over the past 15 years because I'm leaning towards the house.
2) So say we decide whatever with the house! Let's spend the savings! Woo wedding time! Ok great...we still don't have enough to then go on a honeymoon. And I'm not sure about you, but that part seems like a lot of fun. I've spent the last 15 years of my life, longing to walk the streets of London. And Scott would love to go back. When a wedding gown costs as much as a round trip plane ticket to England which one would you pick? I'm a plane ticket kinda lady myself.
3) Neither one of us likes the spotlight. I actually actively try to run from it. I have a hard enough time talking to/in front of ONE person I just met. And Scott does not like talking to crowds. So now we are expecting ourselves to profess our deepest undying love and gratitude to each other in front of 75-100 staring people. Really? I'm sure that will go well. I'm sure Tara won't stutter, or maybe pass out. And Scott's hands won't go clammy and he won't forget what he was trying to say or anything. I'm sure it will go splendidly! Everyone knows that socially awkward people LOVE being the center of attention. Ok Scott might not be socially awkward, but I certainly am.
4) We're not flashy people. I was dragged to wedding gown stores twice and both times I hated everything in them. We do not enjoy "bling" which every dress seemed to be adorn with. I don't like veils. My ability to walk in heels is sketchy at best. We don't like chocolate fountains, ice sculptures, cigar rollers, toasts, people clinking their glasses with knives to make us kiss, having people announce us, having to dance while people stare at us, shoving cake in each others faces, throwing flowers while single girls scramble to catch them (even though it has no effect on their love life whatsoever), Garter Belts, the funky chicken.
5) So what happened when we started to plan a wedding feels a little bit like what happened to Christmas. It became about the place, the food, the booze, the flowers, the dress, the place settings, who are we inviting, who can we afford to invite, whose feelings are going to get hurt.
I wanted us to write our own vows, but quickly realized I couldn't read them in front of all those people. It would be too personal, too intimate a thing to recite in front of all of those people. And then I realized this was turning into a what felt to me like an elaborate production. Like we were gearing up to go on stage. If I couldn't write what I felt in my heart and read it to my almost husband....what kind of marriage ceremony is that? Not the one for us....
A marriage isn't about whose feelings are going to get hurt. It's not about flowers that no one remembers or a flashy dress (unless you want it to be, in which case more power to you). It's about two best friends who are promising to stand by each other until the end. And those two best friends should be able to do that in whichever way they choose, which is exactly what we are doing.
Part I
Looking back I'm not sure what we were thinking. Well, yes I do. We were thinking "What a fantastic opportunity to get all of our friends (who are scattered all over the country) together in one place for a big party! Yay!" The thought of that was so exciting that we kind of forgot who we were, and what we're about.
Now before you all go crossing "Tara & Scott's Wedding" off of your calendars stop. You're not exactly off the hook. We're still having a party, and we still fully expect you to be there. And actually this will allow us to invite even MORE of you! (And if your name is "Breck Sargent" we're going to need your services...twice.) There will be some rules for this party and the rules are as follows (We could potentially add more, but for now this is it)
1) Wear what you want. Need an excuse to get dressed up? Feel free. I'll probably be prancing around in my wedding dress (which won't look like one because David's Bridal makes me want to barf). Don't feel like getting out of your pajamas? Word...I don't usually either.We just want you to be happy.
2) Do NOT feel like you need to bring us gifts. While we absolutely appreciate the thought and the gesture we will not be registering. We have two apartments worth of stuff in this house. Actually probably slightly more because Scott saves a lot of stuff. Like old hardcore show fliers, and things that resemble a keytar, but aren't really. If you feel like you simply must get us something we will send a list of charities you can donate too in our name. We would love that.
3) You can still bring your dancing shoes. It's encouraged, actually. There will be copious amounts of vinyl and a lot of Michael Jackson. Sierra is a dancing machine and would appreciate some worthy dance partners.
4) If you live out of state please make reservations at a hotel early. We'll send you information shortly. It's cape cod, in the summer and we *really* want to see you!
Part II
I'm going to start this section off by listing reasons having a big fancy wedding is a bad idea for us. I'm in a making lists kind of mood. And then I will explain them in detail. For the record these are not in any particular order.
1) The money we could be spending on this wedding could be a decent chunk of a house down payment
2) Big wedding = no honeymoon
3) We don't like the spotlight
4) We don't dig extravagant stuff
5) The Christmas analogy
OK! So here's the thing...this is my second wedding. Which means my parents have foot the bill for this before. This time I'm on my own. I've been through a divorce. I was a single mother. We don't have *that* much saved. And what we do have saved, we are having a hard time parting with for one.day. Sure, we could take out a loan but really? We're going to start our marriage in debt for one day? Ehhhhh. I don't think that's a terribly wise decision. In fact, it seems pretty stupid. Buy a house OR Throw a big party? Hmm....Apparently I've matured over the past 15 years because I'm leaning towards the house.
2) So say we decide whatever with the house! Let's spend the savings! Woo wedding time! Ok great...we still don't have enough to then go on a honeymoon. And I'm not sure about you, but that part seems like a lot of fun. I've spent the last 15 years of my life, longing to walk the streets of London. And Scott would love to go back. When a wedding gown costs as much as a round trip plane ticket to England which one would you pick? I'm a plane ticket kinda lady myself.
3) Neither one of us likes the spotlight. I actually actively try to run from it. I have a hard enough time talking to/in front of ONE person I just met. And Scott does not like talking to crowds. So now we are expecting ourselves to profess our deepest undying love and gratitude to each other in front of 75-100 staring people. Really? I'm sure that will go well. I'm sure Tara won't stutter, or maybe pass out. And Scott's hands won't go clammy and he won't forget what he was trying to say or anything. I'm sure it will go splendidly! Everyone knows that socially awkward people LOVE being the center of attention. Ok Scott might not be socially awkward, but I certainly am.
4) We're not flashy people. I was dragged to wedding gown stores twice and both times I hated everything in them. We do not enjoy "bling" which every dress seemed to be adorn with. I don't like veils. My ability to walk in heels is sketchy at best. We don't like chocolate fountains, ice sculptures, cigar rollers, toasts, people clinking their glasses with knives to make us kiss, having people announce us, having to dance while people stare at us, shoving cake in each others faces, throwing flowers while single girls scramble to catch them (even though it has no effect on their love life whatsoever), Garter Belts, the funky chicken.
5) So what happened when we started to plan a wedding feels a little bit like what happened to Christmas. It became about the place, the food, the booze, the flowers, the dress, the place settings, who are we inviting, who can we afford to invite, whose feelings are going to get hurt.
I wanted us to write our own vows, but quickly realized I couldn't read them in front of all those people. It would be too personal, too intimate a thing to recite in front of all of those people. And then I realized this was turning into a what felt to me like an elaborate production. Like we were gearing up to go on stage. If I couldn't write what I felt in my heart and read it to my almost husband....what kind of marriage ceremony is that? Not the one for us....
A marriage isn't about whose feelings are going to get hurt. It's not about flowers that no one remembers or a flashy dress (unless you want it to be, in which case more power to you). It's about two best friends who are promising to stand by each other until the end. And those two best friends should be able to do that in whichever way they choose, which is exactly what we are doing.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Loss.
When I was 5 years old I learned to ride my bicycle without training wheels. I remember it like it was yesterday. My Grandfather (Papa) took me out front of the house and he held on to the back of my seat, running behind as I rode down the street. At one point I turned around to head back and saw him standing 20 feet away from me. He had let go....I got scared, wobbled a bit, but managed to keep it together and rode back to him.
A year ago my Papa was slipping away from us, after a courageous battle with ALS. Thursday marks the one year anniversary of his passing. I have a lot of emotions right now, but I am feeling especially discouraged because an entire year has passed and I don't think that hole in my heart has closed at all. I told myself eventually it would get smaller, or at least just not seem so....gaping.
It hasn't. When my family and I get together I feel like it's written all over our faces. It's as if we are almost shadows of who we used to be. We just don't feel whole anymore, I guess because we aren't. I've been worrying about us a lot, wondering if we'll ever be happy again. This morning I have decided that I need to cut us some slack. I think my "it will be a bit better in a year" prediction was overly optimistic.
My Grandfather was my rock, he was the person you could go to when you felt sad or scared and he knew just what to say. He was the person who could take a screaming, inconsolable infant and calm them down in an instant. He could hug you, and no matter what you were going through you felt safe.
I feel like that bicycle story is a good analogy for what we are all going through right now. All along we knew we had Papa to hold us up, and a year ago he had to let go. It's just going to take us all longer than an instant to be able to stop wobbling. And then one day eventually ride back to him.
A year ago my Papa was slipping away from us, after a courageous battle with ALS. Thursday marks the one year anniversary of his passing. I have a lot of emotions right now, but I am feeling especially discouraged because an entire year has passed and I don't think that hole in my heart has closed at all. I told myself eventually it would get smaller, or at least just not seem so....gaping.
It hasn't. When my family and I get together I feel like it's written all over our faces. It's as if we are almost shadows of who we used to be. We just don't feel whole anymore, I guess because we aren't. I've been worrying about us a lot, wondering if we'll ever be happy again. This morning I have decided that I need to cut us some slack. I think my "it will be a bit better in a year" prediction was overly optimistic.
My Grandfather was my rock, he was the person you could go to when you felt sad or scared and he knew just what to say. He was the person who could take a screaming, inconsolable infant and calm them down in an instant. He could hug you, and no matter what you were going through you felt safe.
I feel like that bicycle story is a good analogy for what we are all going through right now. All along we knew we had Papa to hold us up, and a year ago he had to let go. It's just going to take us all longer than an instant to be able to stop wobbling. And then one day eventually ride back to him.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Things that make me happy
So those of you that know me know that I am not an excitable girl. I don't get all "squeeee omg" like most girls. It's just not in my nature. However today I picked up our first share of this years CSA and I literally skipped back to the car with my goods.
Right now I am eating local garlic and herb goat cheese on wheat crackers and admiring my peonies. To my left are HUGE shares (all organic) of chard, asian spinach, salad mix, radishes, arugula, beets, hydroponic basil and strawberries. Happy Happy Happy!! Since I suck at gardening this is AWESOME. I had the best garden intentions but right now the only things thriving in there are weeds.
Also I did some baking this afternoon for my first cupcake order and when I came home the entire house smelled like s'more cupcakes. So yeah it's drizzly and 50 something degrees out, yes I did have to turn on the heat today but in the end this day is ok. Also i'm ordering pizza tonight so I don't have to cook score. Oh yeah and the state sent me that $2,500 they owe me. (Don't ask to borrow any, I have a credit card to pay off)
Right now I am eating local garlic and herb goat cheese on wheat crackers and admiring my peonies. To my left are HUGE shares (all organic) of chard, asian spinach, salad mix, radishes, arugula, beets, hydroponic basil and strawberries. Happy Happy Happy!! Since I suck at gardening this is AWESOME. I had the best garden intentions but right now the only things thriving in there are weeds.
Also I did some baking this afternoon for my first cupcake order and when I came home the entire house smelled like s'more cupcakes. So yeah it's drizzly and 50 something degrees out, yes I did have to turn on the heat today but in the end this day is ok. Also i'm ordering pizza tonight so I don't have to cook score. Oh yeah and the state sent me that $2,500 they owe me. (Don't ask to borrow any, I have a credit card to pay off)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Things people do that make me want to smash things...
1) If I let you go in traffic WAVE THANK YOU. It's not hard, it's just a little wave of the hand. I bet you don't even burn 1/8 of a calorie doing it. It's just the polite thing to do, and really what is your excuse for not doing it? I just stopped my car and let you into traffic...the least you can do is say thank you, you rude motherf*cker.
2) Don't mass text me. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely today, and I'd like to help but if you can't be bothered to send me a message meant for my eyes only than you can piss right off.
3) Do NOT mass facebook message me unless I am supposed to be having a conversation with the other people you sent a message to. Do you realize that everyone that replies to that effing thing also sends ME a message? If you are planning an event, why not make an FB invitation? That way my inbox isn't filled up with all of your friends replies.
4) Control your OFFSPRING. If I am in a public place and your kid is running all over the place, in some instances running directly into me then you aren't doing your god damn job as a parent. There are also exceptions to this, I know sometimes people have no choice, they are having a bad day, they have to take more than one kiddo to the store ect. That's different than people who are just all "la la la I am going to ignore my kid and grocery shop because I am too lazy to try to calm then down." If I dare to go to a kid friendly place then I will expect to be plowed into...fine. However grocery shopping is a miserable experience for me as it is, I don't need your kid running up and down the aisle and smashing into me. He/She probs shouldn't be running in the store ANYWAY he could slip and fall and break his/her face. Those floors are slippery...
5) Do not try to shove your shitty opinion down my throat and then get all huffy and personally insulted when I disagree with you. I am opinionated as hell. There are times where I post articles or I voice my displeasure about political issues. I can do that, it's my opinion and it's my blog/facebook/whatever. You can type until the cows come home but you aren't going to change my mind and I am not going to change yours. I will probably just end up thinking you're an asshole.
6) I can't think of a six right now, this cranky pants blog is a work in progress....
2) Don't mass text me. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely today, and I'd like to help but if you can't be bothered to send me a message meant for my eyes only than you can piss right off.
3) Do NOT mass facebook message me unless I am supposed to be having a conversation with the other people you sent a message to. Do you realize that everyone that replies to that effing thing also sends ME a message? If you are planning an event, why not make an FB invitation? That way my inbox isn't filled up with all of your friends replies.
4) Control your OFFSPRING. If I am in a public place and your kid is running all over the place, in some instances running directly into me then you aren't doing your god damn job as a parent. There are also exceptions to this, I know sometimes people have no choice, they are having a bad day, they have to take more than one kiddo to the store ect. That's different than people who are just all "la la la I am going to ignore my kid and grocery shop because I am too lazy to try to calm then down." If I dare to go to a kid friendly place then I will expect to be plowed into...fine. However grocery shopping is a miserable experience for me as it is, I don't need your kid running up and down the aisle and smashing into me. He/She probs shouldn't be running in the store ANYWAY he could slip and fall and break his/her face. Those floors are slippery...
5) Do not try to shove your shitty opinion down my throat and then get all huffy and personally insulted when I disagree with you. I am opinionated as hell. There are times where I post articles or I voice my displeasure about political issues. I can do that, it's my opinion and it's my blog/facebook/whatever. You can type until the cows come home but you aren't going to change my mind and I am not going to change yours. I will probably just end up thinking you're an asshole.
6) I can't think of a six right now, this cranky pants blog is a work in progress....
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Why Sierra's school can go f*ck itself...Or reason #52 I wish I could just homeschool
Around noon yesterday my telephone rang.
"Hello." "Ms. Sullivan this is Principal Noonan calling from the school."
I stop breathing, my heart starts to sink...
"Nothing is wrong! I just want you to know nothing is wrong I know it's scary when the principal calls you. Sierra is ok."
Breathing resumes....
Basically she goes on to tell me that Sierra was sent to her office because she told someone she was going to "kill them." Sierra had told this person a secret and they went and told the whole class. She got upset and said that (to quote the principal) "in passing". Sierra spent her lunch and recess in the office writing letters of apology to the kid she said it too, the person who overheard and the teacher. That those notes were going home and that she was going to call their parents.
Now at first I was pretty upset because...my KID got sent to the principals office. MY KID!? The kid who spends her free time drawing pictures of rainbows and people holding hands? The kid who bandages up her stuff animals and writes us all love notes on a daily basis? The kid who hasn't had a time out since....I don't remember when?
WHAT!?
So I apologize, ask what I can do to follow up at home ect. Principal is almost laughing about it because Sierra is such a harmless little thing. Comments how she doesn't expect she'll ever see her in the office again ect.
I get off the phone, I start digesting what happened, I become LIVID. LIVID!
Sierra should not have said that, obviously it's not a very nice thing to say but kids say that to each other ALL.THE.TIME. My GRANDMOTHER says that to us. When I was a kid if I got in trouble I would say "Oh no my mom is going to KILL ME!" And quite frankly if someone told the entire class my secret I wouldn't be surprised if those words came out of my mouth. Not in a "I have you up against the wall with my switch blade" way, but in a figure of speech way.
Then I picked her up from school and I got even more upset. She burst into tears the second she saw me. She wouldn't talk for an hour. Finally when she was ready to talk about it I asked if they had explained why that is not a nice thing to say.
No.
So I explained it.
I asked if they had said that she had ever right to be upset with the person who told her secret to the whole class.
No. They didn't even bother to validate her feelings.
So what happened is they sent these letters home with the kids involved. They CALLED THEIR PARENTS to tell them what had happened and they made my child feel like a fucking criminal. Last year Sierra was PUNCHED in the stomach by another student. Did I get a phone call? Did I get a letter of apology sent home?
No.
The year before a kid intentionally slammed her fingers in a desk. Letter? Phone call? No and No.
I understand that the world is crazy today. I understand that there are school shootings and teachers need to be on the look out for these kinds of things but for crying out loud this is an 8 year old girl who hasn't even SEEN a gun. An 8 year old girl who has never touched a hair on another human beings head in a violent way. The way they reacted to this was so completely over the top and inappropriate that I wish I could just pull her out of that stupid fucking school and be done with it.
She spent all this morning crying and not wanting to go. She asked if she could switch schools, or take a sick day. I want to go in there and yell at people but I know that isn't the solution. And then I start to think "Gosh, if Scott's mom was here she would know *exactly* what to do" and then I cry.
awesome today is really starting out super swell. At least it's sunny, I think if I can get the house in decent shape (boy does it ever fall apart when I am sick!) I am going to sit out on the deck in a big patch of sun and read something lighthearted.
** not edited. In fact I doubt i'll ever edit any of these so just embrace my typos. Ok?
"Hello." "Ms. Sullivan this is Principal Noonan calling from the school."
I stop breathing, my heart starts to sink...
"Nothing is wrong! I just want you to know nothing is wrong I know it's scary when the principal calls you. Sierra is ok."
Breathing resumes....
Basically she goes on to tell me that Sierra was sent to her office because she told someone she was going to "kill them." Sierra had told this person a secret and they went and told the whole class. She got upset and said that (to quote the principal) "in passing". Sierra spent her lunch and recess in the office writing letters of apology to the kid she said it too, the person who overheard and the teacher. That those notes were going home and that she was going to call their parents.
Now at first I was pretty upset because...my KID got sent to the principals office. MY KID!? The kid who spends her free time drawing pictures of rainbows and people holding hands? The kid who bandages up her stuff animals and writes us all love notes on a daily basis? The kid who hasn't had a time out since....I don't remember when?
WHAT!?
So I apologize, ask what I can do to follow up at home ect. Principal is almost laughing about it because Sierra is such a harmless little thing. Comments how she doesn't expect she'll ever see her in the office again ect.
I get off the phone, I start digesting what happened, I become LIVID. LIVID!
Sierra should not have said that, obviously it's not a very nice thing to say but kids say that to each other ALL.THE.TIME. My GRANDMOTHER says that to us. When I was a kid if I got in trouble I would say "Oh no my mom is going to KILL ME!" And quite frankly if someone told the entire class my secret I wouldn't be surprised if those words came out of my mouth. Not in a "I have you up against the wall with my switch blade" way, but in a figure of speech way.
Then I picked her up from school and I got even more upset. She burst into tears the second she saw me. She wouldn't talk for an hour. Finally when she was ready to talk about it I asked if they had explained why that is not a nice thing to say.
No.
So I explained it.
I asked if they had said that she had ever right to be upset with the person who told her secret to the whole class.
No. They didn't even bother to validate her feelings.
So what happened is they sent these letters home with the kids involved. They CALLED THEIR PARENTS to tell them what had happened and they made my child feel like a fucking criminal. Last year Sierra was PUNCHED in the stomach by another student. Did I get a phone call? Did I get a letter of apology sent home?
No.
The year before a kid intentionally slammed her fingers in a desk. Letter? Phone call? No and No.
I understand that the world is crazy today. I understand that there are school shootings and teachers need to be on the look out for these kinds of things but for crying out loud this is an 8 year old girl who hasn't even SEEN a gun. An 8 year old girl who has never touched a hair on another human beings head in a violent way. The way they reacted to this was so completely over the top and inappropriate that I wish I could just pull her out of that stupid fucking school and be done with it.
She spent all this morning crying and not wanting to go. She asked if she could switch schools, or take a sick day. I want to go in there and yell at people but I know that isn't the solution. And then I start to think "Gosh, if Scott's mom was here she would know *exactly* what to do" and then I cry.
awesome today is really starting out super swell. At least it's sunny, I think if I can get the house in decent shape (boy does it ever fall apart when I am sick!) I am going to sit out on the deck in a big patch of sun and read something lighthearted.
** not edited. In fact I doubt i'll ever edit any of these so just embrace my typos. Ok?
Monday, April 26, 2010
A lesson in what to never say to your customers if you run a dress shop
So just for fun my friend and I went out looking at wedding dresses the other day. I was shocked to learn that people who are getting married in 2012 have already been in to order dresses. What? And I thought I was being over prepared! So after looking at a couple regular dress shops we found an ad in magazine for a vintage wedding dress shop in Orleans. SWEET! Let's GO!!!
It was probably one of the the most mortifying moments of my life. At first it was awesome, I walked in and started looking at the dresses dated 1890-1990 and I almost started to cry they were so awesome. And then I picked some to try on.....annnnnd I didn't fit in a SINGLE DRESS. NOT ONE. Too small...every effing one.
The woman who owned the shop said "Well you have a year, maybe if you lost a few pounds". To which I replied "ehh I don't think so, i'm not really a dieting kind of girl." Then I think in some attempt to soothe my bruised and battered ego she asked my age. When I replied "Thirty" she said "Well yeah you are probably at a comfortable weight for you age." Then she measured my waist and told me it was really my waist I had to worry about because everything was "very forgiving" in the hips."
I'm not sure how I didn't cry but I didn't. We left there with me feeling like a big fat cow. I came home and apologized to Scott for being such a fatty. He just hugged me and said "Those women were obviously malnourished." I fit into a size 14 in kids pants I can't be THAT fat. I checked my bmi I am at the very low end. Why did I allow this woman to get into my head and make me feel like a heffer?
Anyway I hate her. It was traumatic but I think i'm recovering. Although I'm still thinking about it, four days later so I must not be that over it. I think now I am mostly angry that I let this woman shake me and make me feel like there was something wrong with me. I don't like letting anyone do that ever, especially not some bitch who couldn't have fit a leg into any of those dresses.
*this isn't edited for typos or grammatical errors, I'm sick I don't care.
It was probably one of the the most mortifying moments of my life. At first it was awesome, I walked in and started looking at the dresses dated 1890-1990 and I almost started to cry they were so awesome. And then I picked some to try on.....annnnnd I didn't fit in a SINGLE DRESS. NOT ONE. Too small...every effing one.
The woman who owned the shop said "Well you have a year, maybe if you lost a few pounds". To which I replied "ehh I don't think so, i'm not really a dieting kind of girl." Then I think in some attempt to soothe my bruised and battered ego she asked my age. When I replied "Thirty" she said "Well yeah you are probably at a comfortable weight for you age." Then she measured my waist and told me it was really my waist I had to worry about because everything was "very forgiving" in the hips."
I'm not sure how I didn't cry but I didn't. We left there with me feeling like a big fat cow. I came home and apologized to Scott for being such a fatty. He just hugged me and said "Those women were obviously malnourished." I fit into a size 14 in kids pants I can't be THAT fat. I checked my bmi I am at the very low end. Why did I allow this woman to get into my head and make me feel like a heffer?
Anyway I hate her. It was traumatic but I think i'm recovering. Although I'm still thinking about it, four days later so I must not be that over it. I think now I am mostly angry that I let this woman shake me and make me feel like there was something wrong with me. I don't like letting anyone do that ever, especially not some bitch who couldn't have fit a leg into any of those dresses.
*this isn't edited for typos or grammatical errors, I'm sick I don't care.
Friday, April 16, 2010
April Vacation
Well the third week of april is rapidly approaching, I realized this a few minutes ago and then a giant wave of sadness washed over me. April vacation is when Sierra and I go to Vermont. The first time we went she was 3, and every year it's really wonderful. Steve asked me to switch vacations with him this year because he was having some issues with work or something, and I said "fine" not thinking much of it. Now that it's here I feel a little devastated.
People talk about how much they love their kids, but it's not something you can put into words. I usually go away on some kind of trip when she's with her father for awhile to try to keep my mind occupied. It's like a piece of my heart is missing, and I hate every second of it.
I have no idea what I'm going to do when she grows up and goes to college. I suppose I'll have some kind of nervous breakdown and wind up in a mental institution. Or maybe I'll just buy several puppies and treat them like children like so many other people do when their kids grow up and move away.
I am sitting in my bed crying, wishing next week would hold mountains, the teddy bear factory, shelburne farms, Church Street, Echo, ice cream and all the other things it usually holds. Instead I will be here, not tucking Sierra into bed and singing "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star", not hugging her and asking how her day was, not waking up to find a picture and a note that says something like "To Mom, I love you. I hope you have a good day. From Sierra".
Gosh this is really hitting me hard....
blech.
People talk about how much they love their kids, but it's not something you can put into words. I usually go away on some kind of trip when she's with her father for awhile to try to keep my mind occupied. It's like a piece of my heart is missing, and I hate every second of it.
I have no idea what I'm going to do when she grows up and goes to college. I suppose I'll have some kind of nervous breakdown and wind up in a mental institution. Or maybe I'll just buy several puppies and treat them like children like so many other people do when their kids grow up and move away.
I am sitting in my bed crying, wishing next week would hold mountains, the teddy bear factory, shelburne farms, Church Street, Echo, ice cream and all the other things it usually holds. Instead I will be here, not tucking Sierra into bed and singing "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star", not hugging her and asking how her day was, not waking up to find a picture and a note that says something like "To Mom, I love you. I hope you have a good day. From Sierra".
Gosh this is really hitting me hard....
blech.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
So we're getting married!
As most of you know...I've done this before. Only it was under very different circumstances and I was taking one for Team Sullivan. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts I could *not* just suck it up and live the rest of my life miserable and with a partner who I did not mesh with at all. Steve isn't a bad guy, but we are like oil and water and it makes for a chaotic marriage.
Oh my god they are making fresh tortillas on the television and I want one in my belly right now.
Yeah so anyway, Steve and I not so much. I swore I'd never get married again. Never ever. What's the point? It's just a piece of paper. I never like anyone after a year of dating anyway, how I am going to spend the rest of my life with someone?
And then there was Scott.
Oh come on...now they are stuffing squash flowers with cheese. I wish Sierra would change the channel this is extremely distracting.
3.5 years later not only can I tolerate Scott, but I might love him more now than ever. He's my very best friend, and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with him. Scott is probably the nicest, most sincere person I have ever met. He listens when you talk, he genuinely cares about people and he says some of the funniest things out of absolutely no where.
Our politics are the same, our taste in music, movies and sense of humor are all very similar. He still thinks I'm beautiful when I am wearing my old lady nightgown and he brings me tea in bed. I don't really know how I got so lucky, but I am so thankful that I did.
So here we are, engaged. I'm thrilled but I'm tweeking about wedding planning. There is a part of both of us that just wants to take off to vermont, go to the top of a mountain or a farm and get married. No pressure, no one staring at us, but then we think..."How else are we going to get our friends and family from all over the country together in one place for an epic party?"
We're not. So I think we are planning a wedding. Thankfully last year I attended two really fantastic weddings that made me feel a little better about weddings. I cannot STAND cheesy traditional weddings. I don't want people to confuse this with me being cantankerous and disliking love. I LOVE love, but uber cheesy engagement photos, save the date cards with the bride and groom in some lame posed setting, engraved cake cutters, and way over the top extravagant food and flowers ect. That stuff grates on my nerves. It just does. Oh and bad music oh no no noooooo. Oh please for the love of god do NOT play bad music, or have any sort of group dancing going on like the electric slide or the chicken dance.
It shouldn't annoy me really. It's the cheesy peoples day, good for them! It does though. I'm a snob in really weird ways, but I admit it so...that's the first step to not being a total asshole right?
Anyway I'm rambling the point is, I'm glad that I attended some weddings that weren't super lame. I'm glad I didn't go home from those weddings with shell shaped chocolates as a wedding favor. In fact the last one I went too, they donated money in our name to the American cancer society. Brilliant. I think we might follow their lead and do that at ours.
What I want is a really awesome party for our friends, but I also want it to be full of personal touches. We also have...no money so this poses a rather interesting problem. It's not like Scott and I are going to have ice luges for shots or chocolate fountains or some crazy ass over the top flowers and cigar rollers, but even my modest ideas are pricey when you times it by 100 people.
So I think I need to take some deep breaths and make a list. I do NOT want to be one of those crazy brides who does nothing but talk about her wedding planning. Actually you have my word that I will keep my wedding planning blogage to a minimum. I just had to put this somewhere because it's all looming and I feel like I will explode if I don't put something somewhere.
Anyway if anyone has any tips or is a really awesome seamstress, knows a good (cheap) photographer or can make killer handmade wedding invitations let me know. I have an idea for the invites but I think if I tried to make them myself it would end with me throwing things, swearing and possibly setting the card stock on fire in a fit of rage.
Oh my god they are making fresh tortillas on the television and I want one in my belly right now.
Yeah so anyway, Steve and I not so much. I swore I'd never get married again. Never ever. What's the point? It's just a piece of paper. I never like anyone after a year of dating anyway, how I am going to spend the rest of my life with someone?
And then there was Scott.
Oh come on...now they are stuffing squash flowers with cheese. I wish Sierra would change the channel this is extremely distracting.
3.5 years later not only can I tolerate Scott, but I might love him more now than ever. He's my very best friend, and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with him. Scott is probably the nicest, most sincere person I have ever met. He listens when you talk, he genuinely cares about people and he says some of the funniest things out of absolutely no where.
Our politics are the same, our taste in music, movies and sense of humor are all very similar. He still thinks I'm beautiful when I am wearing my old lady nightgown and he brings me tea in bed. I don't really know how I got so lucky, but I am so thankful that I did.
So here we are, engaged. I'm thrilled but I'm tweeking about wedding planning. There is a part of both of us that just wants to take off to vermont, go to the top of a mountain or a farm and get married. No pressure, no one staring at us, but then we think..."How else are we going to get our friends and family from all over the country together in one place for an epic party?"
We're not. So I think we are planning a wedding. Thankfully last year I attended two really fantastic weddings that made me feel a little better about weddings. I cannot STAND cheesy traditional weddings. I don't want people to confuse this with me being cantankerous and disliking love. I LOVE love, but uber cheesy engagement photos, save the date cards with the bride and groom in some lame posed setting, engraved cake cutters, and way over the top extravagant food and flowers ect. That stuff grates on my nerves. It just does. Oh and bad music oh no no noooooo. Oh please for the love of god do NOT play bad music, or have any sort of group dancing going on like the electric slide or the chicken dance.
It shouldn't annoy me really. It's the cheesy peoples day, good for them! It does though. I'm a snob in really weird ways, but I admit it so...that's the first step to not being a total asshole right?
Anyway I'm rambling the point is, I'm glad that I attended some weddings that weren't super lame. I'm glad I didn't go home from those weddings with shell shaped chocolates as a wedding favor. In fact the last one I went too, they donated money in our name to the American cancer society. Brilliant. I think we might follow their lead and do that at ours.
What I want is a really awesome party for our friends, but I also want it to be full of personal touches. We also have...no money so this poses a rather interesting problem. It's not like Scott and I are going to have ice luges for shots or chocolate fountains or some crazy ass over the top flowers and cigar rollers, but even my modest ideas are pricey when you times it by 100 people.
So I think I need to take some deep breaths and make a list. I do NOT want to be one of those crazy brides who does nothing but talk about her wedding planning. Actually you have my word that I will keep my wedding planning blogage to a minimum. I just had to put this somewhere because it's all looming and I feel like I will explode if I don't put something somewhere.
Anyway if anyone has any tips or is a really awesome seamstress, knows a good (cheap) photographer or can make killer handmade wedding invitations let me know. I have an idea for the invites but I think if I tried to make them myself it would end with me throwing things, swearing and possibly setting the card stock on fire in a fit of rage.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Ryan
I met Ryan weeks before my 17th birthday on the steps of community hall in woods hole.
"Hi my name is Ryan. You're really beautiful."
I think my reply was something like "Umm...thank you" and then he took the headphones from around his neck and said "Listen to this". It was Aphex Twin, and it was the start of our friendship that was cut short far too soon.
When I think of Ryan I think of his mixtapes that were put together so perfectly, his backpack full of beer, his outrageous stories that would get on my nerves, the secret spots in the woods we'd make fires at and drink around. I think of the time we broke into my cousins apartment while he was living somewhere else to watch "Helter Skelter" and my cousin showing and almost kicking the crap out of him.
Ryan was a major reason I spent my highschool years watching foreign films, listening to bands like NomeansNo, The Pixies, The Pogues. He was the reason I smoked expensive cigarettes and only drank stouts and microbrews. I will never forget the night we all drank *way* too much "Southern Comfort" (god you couldn't pay me to drink that garbage now!) and we stumbled around woods hole at 2am and he took the last swig and opened the big mailbox by the post office and yelled "I'M MAILING IT OFF!" and we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt.
Ryan could drive you crazy. He would take over your car stereo, he would talk and talk and talk and he could be stubborn as hell. He was however a true friend, and he wore his heart on his sleeve. He would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it. And he would randomly give me these really awesome out of nowhere gifts.
The last time I saw Ryan he came into my work to say hello. I was pregnant and it was the day after I had a level 2 ultrasound so I had this really amazing picture of Sierra. I ran out to my car and got it and showed it to him. I feel really good about that. I am really glad he got to see Sierra even if it was just in an ultrasound.
Six months later he was gone. Six months later he decided to take his own life. None of us really know why. And all of us, I think, struggled with the "What if's". What if I had been more present? What if I wasn't so wrapped up in taking care of my two month old? Could I have said something to change this? Could I have somehow kept this from happening?
Eight years later I still hear songs and think "Ryan would have liked this". I still watch "The Evil Dead" and think of him. I never realized it as I was living it, but Ryan had such an impact on me. I have the worst memory ever, but I somehow I can relive memories of him so clearly. Sitting on the rocks at Ganset, swimming in the ocean at 1 in the morning, endlessly searching for land land never, drinking cup after cup of coffee at coffee o, and arguing with Hugh about being able to smoke outside.
I miss him. I wish I could show him my record collection. I wish he could come sit by our fire pit and tell us stories that were so far fetched we would roll our eyes at him. I remember at his memorial service the minister saying something about him being meek and the ENTIRE place erupting in laughter. Meek? Clearly you didn't know Ryan T. Leary...
For some reason I can't figure out how to end this post so I guess I'll just end it with some "Slint" lyrics because I think he'd approve of that.
"I miss you.
I've grown taller now.
I want the police to be notified.
I'll make it up to you,
I swear, I'll make it up to you.
I miss you."
"Hi my name is Ryan. You're really beautiful."
I think my reply was something like "Umm...thank you" and then he took the headphones from around his neck and said "Listen to this". It was Aphex Twin, and it was the start of our friendship that was cut short far too soon.
When I think of Ryan I think of his mixtapes that were put together so perfectly, his backpack full of beer, his outrageous stories that would get on my nerves, the secret spots in the woods we'd make fires at and drink around. I think of the time we broke into my cousins apartment while he was living somewhere else to watch "Helter Skelter" and my cousin showing and almost kicking the crap out of him.
Ryan was a major reason I spent my highschool years watching foreign films, listening to bands like NomeansNo, The Pixies, The Pogues. He was the reason I smoked expensive cigarettes and only drank stouts and microbrews. I will never forget the night we all drank *way* too much "Southern Comfort" (god you couldn't pay me to drink that garbage now!) and we stumbled around woods hole at 2am and he took the last swig and opened the big mailbox by the post office and yelled "I'M MAILING IT OFF!" and we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt.
Ryan could drive you crazy. He would take over your car stereo, he would talk and talk and talk and he could be stubborn as hell. He was however a true friend, and he wore his heart on his sleeve. He would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it. And he would randomly give me these really awesome out of nowhere gifts.
The last time I saw Ryan he came into my work to say hello. I was pregnant and it was the day after I had a level 2 ultrasound so I had this really amazing picture of Sierra. I ran out to my car and got it and showed it to him. I feel really good about that. I am really glad he got to see Sierra even if it was just in an ultrasound.
Six months later he was gone. Six months later he decided to take his own life. None of us really know why. And all of us, I think, struggled with the "What if's". What if I had been more present? What if I wasn't so wrapped up in taking care of my two month old? Could I have said something to change this? Could I have somehow kept this from happening?
Eight years later I still hear songs and think "Ryan would have liked this". I still watch "The Evil Dead" and think of him. I never realized it as I was living it, but Ryan had such an impact on me. I have the worst memory ever, but I somehow I can relive memories of him so clearly. Sitting on the rocks at Ganset, swimming in the ocean at 1 in the morning, endlessly searching for land land never, drinking cup after cup of coffee at coffee o, and arguing with Hugh about being able to smoke outside.
I miss him. I wish I could show him my record collection. I wish he could come sit by our fire pit and tell us stories that were so far fetched we would roll our eyes at him. I remember at his memorial service the minister saying something about him being meek and the ENTIRE place erupting in laughter. Meek? Clearly you didn't know Ryan T. Leary...
For some reason I can't figure out how to end this post so I guess I'll just end it with some "Slint" lyrics because I think he'd approve of that.
"I miss you.
I've grown taller now.
I want the police to be notified.
I'll make it up to you,
I swear, I'll make it up to you.
I miss you."
Saturday, March 27, 2010
It's not very easy being so opinionated....
Well it's Easter time again. Ahh that fabulous time of year that has nothing to do with Jesus anymore, and everything to do with cadbury eggs and a bunny who has a penchant for breaking and entering. I have actually relaxed a bit when it comes to Easter. When Sierra was younger I was like ABSOLUTELY NO CANDY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! To illustrate how crazy I was about what kind of food she ate I'll just throw out that her first birthday cake was a fruit juice sweetened organic carrot cake that I lovingly made with whole wheat flour. It wasn't half bad, so stop gagging.
Anyway I'm getting sidetracked...
So over the past few years I've graduated to buying her a couple pieces of candy. A peanut butter egg, a small bag of mini eggs and then I fill her basket with things like bubbles, a jump rope, a butterfly net, a wiffle ball bat, ect ect you get the point. She plays with those things one or two times and then they end up being neglected and ultimately thrown away in one of my "oh god too much stuff in the house everything must go" phases. Then I just buy them again the next year.
So this year I was like "I'm tired of buying plastic crap that ends up in a landfill" (thank you "The story of stuff) and on a whim said "Hey Sierra what if you asked the easter bunny to adopt a manatee for you this year instead of getting you all that stuff you don't really use?" And she said "OK!"
What? That was WAY easier than I thought. She's a good little egg that Sierra! So we went online and she picked out the one she wanted to adopt and then we emailed the easter bunny. Misson 1 accomplished. The package came today with her adoption certificate and stuffed manatee.
Now we're getting down to the wire so it's time to dye eggs. Now I've known since I was 15 about factory farms. Back then I sent my hard earned cash (oh dunkin' donuts you were such a craptastic first job) to PETA.* Refused to eat any meat (instead my diet was 50% bread and 50% macaroni and cheese), wouldn't get within 10 feet of a gillette product and my lip gloss was bonnie bell and ONLY Bonnie Bell. However this phase ended one day in my 16th year when I ate a chicken tender and then there was no stopping me. Omnivore 4 lyfe.
Somehow I managed to do a decent job of ignoring the fact that these animals are treated beyond poorly. Even during my all organic, fruit juice sweetened cake phase. It wasn't about the animals it was about what was going into my child. I sort of just went about my happy little life disassociating the egg on my plate from the poor drugged up chicken in a tiny cage that produced it. My thinking has slowly been getting back to that more and more over the past few years. I've recently been reading probably more books about food politics than I should be, and it dawned on me today that to dye eggs we needed white ones.
I can't do it. I cannot buy those white eggs. So I was having this internal battle with myself. Rob my child of a fun tradition? Well that's dramatic right? I mean the eggs ARE already there. And me not buying them isn't going to change anything right? Still...I know what would happen. I would pick them up, and have visions of those awful conditions and it would ruin my funky good egg dying time.
So then Sierra said "I saw this egg kit at Walmart when I was in there with Nana and it was glitter eggs."
"Oh" I thought. "That would work....except" I won't set foot in a Walmart. I hate that place. I hate their politics. I hate that they moved into my town and put the little guys out of business. I just plain hate them. So now I start to feel *really* guilty. Is this fair to her? I can't deny her egg decorating and dying just because of my beliefs.
So I'm happy to report I've worked it out. She doesn't feel like leaving the house today (ok then!) so I'm going to take a trip to Michael's** this week and we're going to follow Martha Stewart's instructions on how to make glitter eggs.
*If I could get that money back I would. I can't stand that organization.
**If anyone knows bad things about Michael's or Martha Stewart glitter DO NOT TELL ME. At this point I do not want to know. I will punch you squah in the face.
Anyway I'm getting sidetracked...
So over the past few years I've graduated to buying her a couple pieces of candy. A peanut butter egg, a small bag of mini eggs and then I fill her basket with things like bubbles, a jump rope, a butterfly net, a wiffle ball bat, ect ect you get the point. She plays with those things one or two times and then they end up being neglected and ultimately thrown away in one of my "oh god too much stuff in the house everything must go" phases. Then I just buy them again the next year.
So this year I was like "I'm tired of buying plastic crap that ends up in a landfill" (thank you "The story of stuff) and on a whim said "Hey Sierra what if you asked the easter bunny to adopt a manatee for you this year instead of getting you all that stuff you don't really use?" And she said "OK!"
What? That was WAY easier than I thought. She's a good little egg that Sierra! So we went online and she picked out the one she wanted to adopt and then we emailed the easter bunny. Misson 1 accomplished. The package came today with her adoption certificate and stuffed manatee.
Now we're getting down to the wire so it's time to dye eggs. Now I've known since I was 15 about factory farms. Back then I sent my hard earned cash (oh dunkin' donuts you were such a craptastic first job) to PETA.* Refused to eat any meat (instead my diet was 50% bread and 50% macaroni and cheese), wouldn't get within 10 feet of a gillette product and my lip gloss was bonnie bell and ONLY Bonnie Bell. However this phase ended one day in my 16th year when I ate a chicken tender and then there was no stopping me. Omnivore 4 lyfe.
Somehow I managed to do a decent job of ignoring the fact that these animals are treated beyond poorly. Even during my all organic, fruit juice sweetened cake phase. It wasn't about the animals it was about what was going into my child. I sort of just went about my happy little life disassociating the egg on my plate from the poor drugged up chicken in a tiny cage that produced it. My thinking has slowly been getting back to that more and more over the past few years. I've recently been reading probably more books about food politics than I should be, and it dawned on me today that to dye eggs we needed white ones.
I can't do it. I cannot buy those white eggs. So I was having this internal battle with myself. Rob my child of a fun tradition? Well that's dramatic right? I mean the eggs ARE already there. And me not buying them isn't going to change anything right? Still...I know what would happen. I would pick them up, and have visions of those awful conditions and it would ruin my funky good egg dying time.
So then Sierra said "I saw this egg kit at Walmart when I was in there with Nana and it was glitter eggs."
"Oh" I thought. "That would work....except" I won't set foot in a Walmart. I hate that place. I hate their politics. I hate that they moved into my town and put the little guys out of business. I just plain hate them. So now I start to feel *really* guilty. Is this fair to her? I can't deny her egg decorating and dying just because of my beliefs.
So I'm happy to report I've worked it out. She doesn't feel like leaving the house today (ok then!) so I'm going to take a trip to Michael's** this week and we're going to follow Martha Stewart's instructions on how to make glitter eggs.
*If I could get that money back I would. I can't stand that organization.
**If anyone knows bad things about Michael's or Martha Stewart glitter DO NOT TELL ME. At this point I do not want to know. I will punch you squah in the face.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
It's been awhile...
So I haven't written in this thing since September of 08' I guess. It doesn't seem like I stopped that long ago but I guess I did. Lately I have been feeling more like writing so here I am.
I guess to get you up to speed (although if you're reading this i'm pretty sure you know all of this already) it's been a rough couple of years. One of my very best friends passed away in a car accident a year ago Saturday. My grandfather was diagnosed with and passed away from ALS. And Scott's mother lost her battle with cancer.
There has been good as well. Sierra is growing up and is just as rad as ever. Scott and I moved into a very cool house this past october and I got Layla back. We had a really great vacation in Colorado this past summer. We also went on a week long road trip with stops in Ohio (it was better than you'd think!), DC (Yay Jon Henry!), MD, NJ, and W Virgina.
I was laid off and then got a job at a bakery that I don't hate. I have been able to get some photography work which is nice. Although for the most part I find weddings to be a total snooze fest. At least traditional ones...I do have one coming up in October that I am very excited about.
I don't know not much else. I shut down creatively for the most part when things got bad. I haven't *really* played my guitar since Michelle passed away. I think it's interesting because people say that the best creativity comes out of sadness, out of depression. I don't find myself being terribly inspired to do anything but sleep and occasionally when no one is around wallow in self pity.
I don't know if this is a sign that I am coming out of it, or if this urge to write is just a passing phase. I guess we'll see...
I guess to get you up to speed (although if you're reading this i'm pretty sure you know all of this already) it's been a rough couple of years. One of my very best friends passed away in a car accident a year ago Saturday. My grandfather was diagnosed with and passed away from ALS. And Scott's mother lost her battle with cancer.
There has been good as well. Sierra is growing up and is just as rad as ever. Scott and I moved into a very cool house this past october and I got Layla back. We had a really great vacation in Colorado this past summer. We also went on a week long road trip with stops in Ohio (it was better than you'd think!), DC (Yay Jon Henry!), MD, NJ, and W Virgina.
I was laid off and then got a job at a bakery that I don't hate. I have been able to get some photography work which is nice. Although for the most part I find weddings to be a total snooze fest. At least traditional ones...I do have one coming up in October that I am very excited about.
I don't know not much else. I shut down creatively for the most part when things got bad. I haven't *really* played my guitar since Michelle passed away. I think it's interesting because people say that the best creativity comes out of sadness, out of depression. I don't find myself being terribly inspired to do anything but sleep and occasionally when no one is around wallow in self pity.
I don't know if this is a sign that I am coming out of it, or if this urge to write is just a passing phase. I guess we'll see...
Monday, September 22, 2008
All the things I should be saying, but can't until I have another job lined up
Dear Evil Boss,
I'm not sure what planet you came from, maybe you just emerged from the fiery pits of hell. Either way I have determined that you do not have so much as ONE redeeming quality. You are the most ignorant, self absorbed, tactless, idiotic person I have EVER had the displeasure of working with. And believe me, in 15 years of food industry service jobs i've worked with some doozies. But you Sir, you take the cake.
Not recycling isn't funny. George W. Bush is not an intelligent man. Cat Country is not "shit kicking music." Neil Bortz is an ASS. Your gas guzzling SUV is a piece of shit. Your "pool" is the weakest excuse for a pool i've ever seen. Did you get that out of the sears catalog? I think we had that exact one when I was growing up and was less than 4 feet tall so it was actually a big deal.
I'm not sure what planet you came from, maybe you just emerged from the fiery pits of hell. Either way I have determined that you do not have so much as ONE redeeming quality. You are the most ignorant, self absorbed, tactless, idiotic person I have EVER had the displeasure of working with. And believe me, in 15 years of food industry service jobs i've worked with some doozies. But you Sir, you take the cake.
Not recycling isn't funny. George W. Bush is not an intelligent man. Cat Country is not "shit kicking music." Neil Bortz is an ASS. Your gas guzzling SUV is a piece of shit. Your "pool" is the weakest excuse for a pool i've ever seen. Did you get that out of the sears catalog? I think we had that exact one when I was growing up and was less than 4 feet tall so it was actually a big deal.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Do me a favor
There are a lot of people who aren't 100% thrilled with Barack Obama. For the record I am not one of them. Although admittedly in the very beginning I was skeptical. And I have an intense love for a little man known as Dennis Kucinich. Yeah yeah, laugh it up. I like his policies, I like his ideas, I like his values. What can I say?
Anyhow, I did my research. I looked at Obama's record, his policies. I read his book "Dreams from my Father" and I have come around to be a T-Shirt wearing, Obama 08' bumper sticker displaying, loud mouthed, argumentative, political pain in the ass. Yes, that is what I have become these days. But i'm ok with it. This election matters a great deal to me. I have found myself wanting to take people and shake them, wake them up. You can't sit around waiting for change to happen with out going out and doing your part to MAKE it happen. And right now we NEED change. We desperately need it.
The primaries were a very tough and bitter battle. I have talked to a great many democrats who voted for Hillary who are just not going to vote now. I think Hillary did a beautiful job the other night at the convention. I still wish she didn't elongate every last word of every sentence but that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Now John McCain has done what I think is a sad, pathetic attempt to get those Hillary supporters to sway his way. He has chosen a woman V.P. And the sad part of it is that in some cases it seems to be working. This woman is as FAR from Hillary Clinton's ideals as you can get. Just because she has an vagina does not mean she is a feminist or even has your best interests at heart. I don't know about you, but I don't trust any woman who doesn't defend a womans right to choose.
This election should not be about gender or race. This election should be about fixing this country that is so incredibly broken after 8 years of the Bush/Cheney Administration. Right now the polar ice cap is melting more rapidly than ever before because of global warming. Right now our current president is trying to weaken the endangered species act taking scientists completely out of the equation and leaving corporations in control. Right now there are still people dying in a war that should have never been started. Right now the economy is in the worst shape it's been in since Bush senior was in office.
If you aren't going to vote because you wanted Hillary to win. Or if you aren't going out to vote because you aren't 100% happy with Obama you are letting the republican party into the White house for another 4 years at least. I understand not being excited about a candidate. Do you think I was excited about John Kerry? Honestly, how can anyone get excited about that man? But did I sit at home on election day and do nothing? No I went and I voted AGAINST Bush.
John McCain has voted with Bush 95% of the time. Even if you aren't thrilled with Obama you have to realize that he is 10,000 better than having another 4 years of Bush-like policies. I am this very strange mix of emotions right now. Part of me is so excited to feel a hope for this country that I have never felt before. And the other part of me is scared to death that the republican party will get back into office.
So please i'm begging you, if you are one of those people who doesn't think your vote matters, or is bitter about the primaries or I don't know. This race is going to be close, so think about the alternative and please, please go vote for Barack Obama. If you don't feel like doing the research I have done it for you. Email me and I will send you where they stand on the issues. I will also send you a breakdown of exactly why offshore drilling isn't going to make a difference when it comes to the price of gasoline because that is something I am also pretty pissed off about.
If you have actually read this far thank you. This will be my last political rant/plea. I promise.
Love,
Tara
Anyhow, I did my research. I looked at Obama's record, his policies. I read his book "Dreams from my Father" and I have come around to be a T-Shirt wearing, Obama 08' bumper sticker displaying, loud mouthed, argumentative, political pain in the ass. Yes, that is what I have become these days. But i'm ok with it. This election matters a great deal to me. I have found myself wanting to take people and shake them, wake them up. You can't sit around waiting for change to happen with out going out and doing your part to MAKE it happen. And right now we NEED change. We desperately need it.
The primaries were a very tough and bitter battle. I have talked to a great many democrats who voted for Hillary who are just not going to vote now. I think Hillary did a beautiful job the other night at the convention. I still wish she didn't elongate every last word of every sentence but that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Now John McCain has done what I think is a sad, pathetic attempt to get those Hillary supporters to sway his way. He has chosen a woman V.P. And the sad part of it is that in some cases it seems to be working. This woman is as FAR from Hillary Clinton's ideals as you can get. Just because she has an vagina does not mean she is a feminist or even has your best interests at heart. I don't know about you, but I don't trust any woman who doesn't defend a womans right to choose.
This election should not be about gender or race. This election should be about fixing this country that is so incredibly broken after 8 years of the Bush/Cheney Administration. Right now the polar ice cap is melting more rapidly than ever before because of global warming. Right now our current president is trying to weaken the endangered species act taking scientists completely out of the equation and leaving corporations in control. Right now there are still people dying in a war that should have never been started. Right now the economy is in the worst shape it's been in since Bush senior was in office.
If you aren't going to vote because you wanted Hillary to win. Or if you aren't going out to vote because you aren't 100% happy with Obama you are letting the republican party into the White house for another 4 years at least. I understand not being excited about a candidate. Do you think I was excited about John Kerry? Honestly, how can anyone get excited about that man? But did I sit at home on election day and do nothing? No I went and I voted AGAINST Bush.
John McCain has voted with Bush 95% of the time. Even if you aren't thrilled with Obama you have to realize that he is 10,000 better than having another 4 years of Bush-like policies. I am this very strange mix of emotions right now. Part of me is so excited to feel a hope for this country that I have never felt before. And the other part of me is scared to death that the republican party will get back into office.
So please i'm begging you, if you are one of those people who doesn't think your vote matters, or is bitter about the primaries or I don't know. This race is going to be close, so think about the alternative and please, please go vote for Barack Obama. If you don't feel like doing the research I have done it for you. Email me and I will send you where they stand on the issues. I will also send you a breakdown of exactly why offshore drilling isn't going to make a difference when it comes to the price of gasoline because that is something I am also pretty pissed off about.
If you have actually read this far thank you. This will be my last political rant/plea. I promise.
Love,
Tara
Monday, June 30, 2008
Home again, home again
I'm not sure why I can't just revel in happiness, but it's just not a skill I possess. We arrived back on the cape sometime around 2pm today and the reality that I am back to my normal everyday existence has sent me spiraling into some kind of withdrawal/depression. This weekend may have been the best birthday of my life. The only one that may be comparable was my 10Th. And that's only because I got a 4 wheeler, a new bicycle and a pair of grey and pink chucks.
A few key facts about my birthday that you should know before delving into this. 1) It always rains 2) It's typically the most depressing day of the year for me 3) It always rains.
So Saturday morning Scott and I headed out to Vermont. We didn't really have an agenda, I don't like agendas. They make me feel pressured and anxious. Scott booked us a room for Saturday night at The Inn at Shelburne Farms . Shelburne Farms is one of my favorite spots ever. It's incredibly beautiful and there are chickens, sheep, goats, cows, pigs and they are all well taken care of. If you've never been you should go. I can't put into words how rad it is. And get cheese, and bacon don't forget the bacon!
The inn was really cool to be in. How often do you get to stay in a mansion that was built in the 1800's? And 75% of the furnishings are original. So it was pretty novel to be spending the night there. We had 8:30 reservations to eat at their fancy pants restaurant. We didn't fit in, at all. It actually became sort of hilarious. When one of the 4 different people to tend to us came by and shoved "cold rabe from the garden" on our table in little shot glasses we just stared at each other.
"What do you do with this?"
"Drink it?"
"Nope, doesn't smell drinkable."
"Why is it warm? It came right after the bread do we dip our bread in it?"
"It's got curry in it."
"Just ignore it. It will go away."
Later on I watched the diners who sat next to us when theirs was delivered. They drank it down, and marveled at how wonderful it was. Ooops. Maybe next time?
The food was quite good. Though it was so dark I couldn't fully inspect my chicken to make sure there was no pink. I am obsessive about my food and I swear one of the pieces was practically raw. I didn't eat that one, and I'm feeling fine so I think I'm safe. By the time we were finished with dinner it was 10:30. We retired to our room and went to sleep. It was a long day, and we're officially old people now.
The next day was my birthday. I was greeted with a flurry of awesome text messages and a musical voice mail. Scott and I checked out of the Inn and went to Winooski to have breakfast at "Sneakers". We fit it much better there. The kid who brought us to our table complimented me on my clash shirt and I dined on Kahlua dipped french toast and a fresh fruit cup which was (much to my delight) more strawberry and blueberry than various types of melon. I also had coffee and I don't think it was "Green Mountain". Green Mountain Coffee is my only problem with Vermont. That stuff SUCKS. I refuse to drink it and it's EVERYWHERE. I get it, support your state. I love that about Vermont. Local, local local. But guys...your coffee is no good. For real. It's just as bad a Starbucks, and I wouldn't drink Starbucks when I worked there and it was FREE!*
After that it was off to the record stores. Mmmmhmm. I scored "Combat Rock" and "Shock Troops" on vinyl. As well as "Thriller" and "Off the Wall" (best MJ albums EVER!) a Jackson Five album and Scott bought me Crystal Castles when I wasn't looking. Scott fucking rules. Then we went to "City Market" and perused the merch and the customers. This metal kid named "Ivan" (I'm not convinced that is his real name) sold us our T-Shirts. Scott and I have been acquiring a lot of matching T-shirts lately. One day we are going to slip up, wear them on the same day and look like total tools.
Then we took off back to Shelburne and checked into our second inn. The Heart of the Village Inn
I know it's a lame name but it was a pretty sweet place. And apparently we were the only ones staying there that night that were NOT a part of Robert Redford's daughters wedding. Yeah...random.
Then we went out walking around. There is a cool little bookstore, toy store and country store all right there. I bought "Candy Girl" and Armageddon in Retrospect. I also picked up unicorn band aids for Sierra (or were they more for me?) and a Fairy Doll making kit that later turned into a major cause of child meltdown. I'm always great for picking out that sort of thing....
Then we went out to birthday dinner. For years I've wanted to go to Al's . I can't explain my love of diners but it's strong. Milkshakes and burgers, black, white and red color schemes. I don't know, I just love it. What can I say? I had a grilled cheese that was made on a burger bun and cost 91 cents and a cup of fries. Scott had a two dollar double cheeseburger, a cup of fries and a vanilla milkshake. After we got creemies (it's just soft serve. No idea why they call it that) and purchased and delivered a red bull for the overworked/ underpaid pregnant girl who was working a 13 hour shift that day. **
On the way back to the Bed and Breakfast we saw a rainbow. Shortly before that I had glanced over at Scott. He was wearing his newly purchased "Al's French Fry's" Hat and he had put bluegrass on. I don't know who it was, I always assume all Bluegrass is the Stanley brothers but it probably wasn't them at all. Regardless, I looked over at him and I thought "This is why I love Scott. Who else would be so proudly wearing an "Al's french fry" hat and jamming out to bluegrass in a grandma car?" No one...just Scott.
Anyhow, it was nearly 8 o' clock and it hadn't rained all day. I was pretty sure I had tricked the universe by temporarily relocating for my birthday.
We took showers and put on those big cushy robes they always have in Bed and Breakfasts and fancy hotels. I never use them, but damn it, it was birthday! I was going to lounge in a robe! We positioned ourselves in our king size bed and got to reading our new books. I am half way through "Candy Girl" and highly recommend it. Finally it was time for bed, and almost the exact anniversary of my birth. I was born at 10:36pm. As we were milling about getting ready for bed all of the sudden the sky opened up and it began to downpour. I glanced at the clock...10:36. Perhaps I hadn't quite tricked the universe after all. Well, at least it held out until my bed time.
The entire trip was great. I feel so spoiled and I'm not at all used to it. I have new records, books, DVDs, tshirts and memories. Turning 29 might have been one of the best days of my life....
*When I worked at Starbucks we got a lb a free coffee a week. Most of the time I never bothered to get it because I wouldn't drink that crap if you paid me.
**I'm pretty sure pregnant chicks aren't supposed to have energy drinks. But Scott said one red bull wouldn't hurt this lady's fetus. I got her the small can, just in case.
A few key facts about my birthday that you should know before delving into this. 1) It always rains 2) It's typically the most depressing day of the year for me 3) It always rains.
So Saturday morning Scott and I headed out to Vermont. We didn't really have an agenda, I don't like agendas. They make me feel pressured and anxious. Scott booked us a room for Saturday night at The Inn at Shelburne Farms . Shelburne Farms is one of my favorite spots ever. It's incredibly beautiful and there are chickens, sheep, goats, cows, pigs and they are all well taken care of. If you've never been you should go. I can't put into words how rad it is. And get cheese, and bacon don't forget the bacon!
The inn was really cool to be in. How often do you get to stay in a mansion that was built in the 1800's? And 75% of the furnishings are original. So it was pretty novel to be spending the night there. We had 8:30 reservations to eat at their fancy pants restaurant. We didn't fit in, at all. It actually became sort of hilarious. When one of the 4 different people to tend to us came by and shoved "cold rabe from the garden" on our table in little shot glasses we just stared at each other.
"What do you do with this?"
"Drink it?"
"Nope, doesn't smell drinkable."
"Why is it warm? It came right after the bread do we dip our bread in it?"
"It's got curry in it."
"Just ignore it. It will go away."
Later on I watched the diners who sat next to us when theirs was delivered. They drank it down, and marveled at how wonderful it was. Ooops. Maybe next time?
The food was quite good. Though it was so dark I couldn't fully inspect my chicken to make sure there was no pink. I am obsessive about my food and I swear one of the pieces was practically raw. I didn't eat that one, and I'm feeling fine so I think I'm safe. By the time we were finished with dinner it was 10:30. We retired to our room and went to sleep. It was a long day, and we're officially old people now.
The next day was my birthday. I was greeted with a flurry of awesome text messages and a musical voice mail. Scott and I checked out of the Inn and went to Winooski to have breakfast at "Sneakers". We fit it much better there. The kid who brought us to our table complimented me on my clash shirt and I dined on Kahlua dipped french toast and a fresh fruit cup which was (much to my delight) more strawberry and blueberry than various types of melon. I also had coffee and I don't think it was "Green Mountain". Green Mountain Coffee is my only problem with Vermont. That stuff SUCKS. I refuse to drink it and it's EVERYWHERE. I get it, support your state. I love that about Vermont. Local, local local. But guys...your coffee is no good. For real. It's just as bad a Starbucks, and I wouldn't drink Starbucks when I worked there and it was FREE!*
After that it was off to the record stores. Mmmmhmm. I scored "Combat Rock" and "Shock Troops" on vinyl. As well as "Thriller" and "Off the Wall" (best MJ albums EVER!) a Jackson Five album and Scott bought me Crystal Castles when I wasn't looking. Scott fucking rules. Then we went to "City Market" and perused the merch and the customers. This metal kid named "Ivan" (I'm not convinced that is his real name) sold us our T-Shirts. Scott and I have been acquiring a lot of matching T-shirts lately. One day we are going to slip up, wear them on the same day and look like total tools.
Then we took off back to Shelburne and checked into our second inn. The Heart of the Village Inn
I know it's a lame name but it was a pretty sweet place. And apparently we were the only ones staying there that night that were NOT a part of Robert Redford's daughters wedding. Yeah...random.
Then we went out walking around. There is a cool little bookstore, toy store and country store all right there. I bought "Candy Girl" and Armageddon in Retrospect. I also picked up unicorn band aids for Sierra (or were they more for me?) and a Fairy Doll making kit that later turned into a major cause of child meltdown. I'm always great for picking out that sort of thing....
Then we went out to birthday dinner. For years I've wanted to go to Al's . I can't explain my love of diners but it's strong. Milkshakes and burgers, black, white and red color schemes. I don't know, I just love it. What can I say? I had a grilled cheese that was made on a burger bun and cost 91 cents and a cup of fries. Scott had a two dollar double cheeseburger, a cup of fries and a vanilla milkshake. After we got creemies (it's just soft serve. No idea why they call it that) and purchased and delivered a red bull for the overworked/ underpaid pregnant girl who was working a 13 hour shift that day. **
On the way back to the Bed and Breakfast we saw a rainbow. Shortly before that I had glanced over at Scott. He was wearing his newly purchased "Al's French Fry's" Hat and he had put bluegrass on. I don't know who it was, I always assume all Bluegrass is the Stanley brothers but it probably wasn't them at all. Regardless, I looked over at him and I thought "This is why I love Scott. Who else would be so proudly wearing an "Al's french fry" hat and jamming out to bluegrass in a grandma car?" No one...just Scott.
Anyhow, it was nearly 8 o' clock and it hadn't rained all day. I was pretty sure I had tricked the universe by temporarily relocating for my birthday.
We took showers and put on those big cushy robes they always have in Bed and Breakfasts and fancy hotels. I never use them, but damn it, it was birthday! I was going to lounge in a robe! We positioned ourselves in our king size bed and got to reading our new books. I am half way through "Candy Girl" and highly recommend it. Finally it was time for bed, and almost the exact anniversary of my birth. I was born at 10:36pm. As we were milling about getting ready for bed all of the sudden the sky opened up and it began to downpour. I glanced at the clock...10:36. Perhaps I hadn't quite tricked the universe after all. Well, at least it held out until my bed time.
The entire trip was great. I feel so spoiled and I'm not at all used to it. I have new records, books, DVDs, tshirts and memories. Turning 29 might have been one of the best days of my life....
*When I worked at Starbucks we got a lb a free coffee a week. Most of the time I never bothered to get it because I wouldn't drink that crap if you paid me.
**I'm pretty sure pregnant chicks aren't supposed to have energy drinks. But Scott said one red bull wouldn't hurt this lady's fetus. I got her the small can, just in case.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Hostile alien take-over? Nah it's just Cicadas
Today on my way home I inadvertently killed 7 cicadas. (I started keeping tabs after #3) In some spots the buzzing was so loud I could hear it over my blaring car stereo. Which, if you've ever driven with me is really blaring. The sound is the strangest thing, it honestly sounds like aliens. Or what i'd imagine an alien ship would sound like landing.
The weirdest part of this cicada thing is that i've not seen a single one in my neighborhood. I get to a certain spot on the way home and suddenly the noise. just. stops. I'm not sure if they just haven't ventured this far and perhaps they will be showing up in a few days? Or..I dunno my imagination could take me far on this one, but i'll refrain so you (assuming anyone reads this junk) don't think i'm totally insane.
In other news I appear to be on the upside of my battle with Bronchitis. Sweet, sweet victory is right around the corner. Thank goodness because i'm sick of being sick and alone. Tomorrow is back to work, oh joy. I guess i'd rather be alone than at that god forsaken place but...what can you do? Gotta pay the stupid bills.
What else? I don't know really. I should be sleeping. Oh have I mentioned how totally in love with my grill I am? Yeah, in love. I grilled corn for the first time this weekend...SO GOOD.
I have more to say but my eye lids are shutting and it's past midnight. I should be getting my rest. Goodnight!
The weirdest part of this cicada thing is that i've not seen a single one in my neighborhood. I get to a certain spot on the way home and suddenly the noise. just. stops. I'm not sure if they just haven't ventured this far and perhaps they will be showing up in a few days? Or..I dunno my imagination could take me far on this one, but i'll refrain so you (assuming anyone reads this junk) don't think i'm totally insane.
In other news I appear to be on the upside of my battle with Bronchitis. Sweet, sweet victory is right around the corner. Thank goodness because i'm sick of being sick and alone. Tomorrow is back to work, oh joy. I guess i'd rather be alone than at that god forsaken place but...what can you do? Gotta pay the stupid bills.
What else? I don't know really. I should be sleeping. Oh have I mentioned how totally in love with my grill I am? Yeah, in love. I grilled corn for the first time this weekend...SO GOOD.
I have more to say but my eye lids are shutting and it's past midnight. I should be getting my rest. Goodnight!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Just random updates and bitching.
Right now I should be writing a 1500 word rough draft that is due tonight at midnight. However, I am such a miserable lump I can't bring myself to do it. I am half naked in my bed because I do not want anything touching me. It is 84 degrees in my apartment. Yesterday it was 94. I have a total of 5 fans going full blast and they don't appear to be doing much to combat this stagnant, humid disgustingness.
I have headache that I cannot get rid of. I miss my mothers pool. My wisdom teeth have decided today is a good day to cause me jaw pain. I am officially a cranky, achy, old person.
Tomorrow according to weather.com should be a full 8 degrees cooler. Tomorrow (I hope) should be a better day. I am going to sit in insanely good seats at Fenway. Partake in the eating and drinking of overpriced hot dogs and beer (respectively). And revel in the Sox hopefully kicking the crap out of the Oh's. Tomorrow (I pray) my apartment will be cooler and more conducive to me writing this 1500 word paper I have procrastinated writing until it was too late to get full credit.
The older I get, the less tolerant I am of anything it seems. It is only June 11 and I am already SO sick of tourists. Do yield signs only exist in Massachusetts? Lately i'm starting to think so. CLEARLY they don't exist in Connecticut or New York. Or at least people from those states must not obey them. And i'm not going to even start talking about rotaries.
Despite the heat, my headache and my wisdom teeth things are just peachy. Don't let my complaining make you think otherwise. I (even with my recent procrastination) still have a 4.0. Granted i've only taken 3 classes so maybe it's not such a big feat but it's better than NOT getting all A's in my first 3 classes.
Sierra is doing pretty well. Lately she's been acting like a moody teenage girl but hey, she seems to be snapping out of it. I'm sure this heat isn't helping her mood either. (Is it very obvious she and I spent last summer living in a house with central AC and an inground pool?) I can't believe she's nearly done with kindergarten already. Time has flown, and I can only imagine it will continue to fly by faster each year. That seems to be the way life is going. Friday I am going on the class field trip to the zoo. It should be interesting...
Scott is also doing well. He's moving into his new apartment which is quite cute. And i've recently realized that for the first time in my life, i'm in a relationship for over and year and I still adore my significant other. Usually by a year, I can't stand them. But it's been well over that, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Ok i'll stop being sappy now..sorry. It's just kind of a big deal for me.
Anna Belle has grown quite a bit. She's a little nuts but I love her just the same. One morning when I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was her cute little head lying on top of her paws on the pillow next to me. Moments like that make me forgive her for peeing on my comforter three times and waking me up at 530 am frequently.
I finally painted my bathroom, though I have yet to put up the new towel/toilet paper racks.
I got some chairs and a little table for my deck. I spent a few hours this weekend out there reading/eating ice cream/drinking beer. It was pretty nice. It wasn't my MOTHERS POOL, but it'll have to do. I've been considering purchasing a slip & slide. Or making one, but I have run that by Dan.
Ok i'm too tired to write anymore. goodnight.
I have headache that I cannot get rid of. I miss my mothers pool. My wisdom teeth have decided today is a good day to cause me jaw pain. I am officially a cranky, achy, old person.
Tomorrow according to weather.com should be a full 8 degrees cooler. Tomorrow (I hope) should be a better day. I am going to sit in insanely good seats at Fenway. Partake in the eating and drinking of overpriced hot dogs and beer (respectively). And revel in the Sox hopefully kicking the crap out of the Oh's. Tomorrow (I pray) my apartment will be cooler and more conducive to me writing this 1500 word paper I have procrastinated writing until it was too late to get full credit.
The older I get, the less tolerant I am of anything it seems. It is only June 11 and I am already SO sick of tourists. Do yield signs only exist in Massachusetts? Lately i'm starting to think so. CLEARLY they don't exist in Connecticut or New York. Or at least people from those states must not obey them. And i'm not going to even start talking about rotaries.
Despite the heat, my headache and my wisdom teeth things are just peachy. Don't let my complaining make you think otherwise. I (even with my recent procrastination) still have a 4.0. Granted i've only taken 3 classes so maybe it's not such a big feat but it's better than NOT getting all A's in my first 3 classes.
Sierra is doing pretty well. Lately she's been acting like a moody teenage girl but hey, she seems to be snapping out of it. I'm sure this heat isn't helping her mood either. (Is it very obvious she and I spent last summer living in a house with central AC and an inground pool?) I can't believe she's nearly done with kindergarten already. Time has flown, and I can only imagine it will continue to fly by faster each year. That seems to be the way life is going. Friday I am going on the class field trip to the zoo. It should be interesting...
Scott is also doing well. He's moving into his new apartment which is quite cute. And i've recently realized that for the first time in my life, i'm in a relationship for over and year and I still adore my significant other. Usually by a year, I can't stand them. But it's been well over that, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Ok i'll stop being sappy now..sorry. It's just kind of a big deal for me.
Anna Belle has grown quite a bit. She's a little nuts but I love her just the same. One morning when I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was her cute little head lying on top of her paws on the pillow next to me. Moments like that make me forgive her for peeing on my comforter three times and waking me up at 530 am frequently.
I finally painted my bathroom, though I have yet to put up the new towel/toilet paper racks.
I got some chairs and a little table for my deck. I spent a few hours this weekend out there reading/eating ice cream/drinking beer. It was pretty nice. It wasn't my MOTHERS POOL, but it'll have to do. I've been considering purchasing a slip & slide. Or making one, but I have run that by Dan.
Ok i'm too tired to write anymore. goodnight.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Dear Dubbya
Thanks for giving the poor single mom, who works full time AND goes to school only $300.00 for her "economic Stimulus check". Maybe that will help with those bullshit gas prices.
fuck you,
Tara
fuck you,
Tara
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I'm busy!
Anna Belle is here, and she rules. She is for the most part a very good girl. She's much easier than an infant. I think since I survived that, I can survive most anything. Life with a colicky infant is ROUGH!
This week the curse of my car has apparently come back. Monday I got a lovely flat tire. The third in the past six months, but who's counting? And today I started my car and it began to shake, wretch and grumble at me. Then the check engine light reared it's ugly orange face. My dad called me though, and said something about carbon and a spark plug and "easy fix". So that's good news...
I am incredibly busy these days with work/school/family(that includes puppy). This weekend looks promising. Tomorrow is the long awaited return to P-Town with Ali. Oh yes, good times. Saturday I think my friend Jenny Koslow will be visiting. And Sunday i'm making baked Mac & Cheese for my Michelle!! Yay for visitors! Especially since i'm not going anywhere with this new responsibility i've placed upon myself.
She's such a CUTE responsibility though, I just couldn't resist.
If you aren't listening to Arcade Fire, The National and Seabear you're missing out btw. When you stumble across their pure genius in your own time, don't say I never told you so. Since I am in fact, at this very moment telling you so.
This week the curse of my car has apparently come back. Monday I got a lovely flat tire. The third in the past six months, but who's counting? And today I started my car and it began to shake, wretch and grumble at me. Then the check engine light reared it's ugly orange face. My dad called me though, and said something about carbon and a spark plug and "easy fix". So that's good news...
I am incredibly busy these days with work/school/family(that includes puppy). This weekend looks promising. Tomorrow is the long awaited return to P-Town with Ali. Oh yes, good times. Saturday I think my friend Jenny Koslow will be visiting. And Sunday i'm making baked Mac & Cheese for my Michelle!! Yay for visitors! Especially since i'm not going anywhere with this new responsibility i've placed upon myself.
She's such a CUTE responsibility though, I just couldn't resist.
If you aren't listening to Arcade Fire, The National and Seabear you're missing out btw. When you stumble across their pure genius in your own time, don't say I never told you so. Since I am in fact, at this very moment telling you so.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
I can haz daschund?
Big news in the Sully household! The newest member of our estrogen charged clan will be arriving home this Wednesday evening. Anna Belle the miniature, short haired daschund will be coming to live with us. I've spent the evening googling the breed and the best way to train them. I also purchased not one, but TWO dog training books. Neurotic much?
I also stocked up on all the essentials. Food, treats, nail clippers, food bowls, shampoo ect. And today I've learned something slightly sickening about myself. Apparently, when faced with pink frilly dog accessories I turn into Paris Hilton. Anna Belle has a pink leopard print bed waiting for her. She also has a pink leash and a pink collar that has cup cakes on it. Oh and her food bowl mat? Also pink and leopard print.
I don't quite know what got into me. Have no fear though, i've not totally gone over the edge. I did not buy a dog "purse" Nor did I buy any of those stupid dog outfits, and I don't foresee myself ever buying one. If I do, please stage an intervention. Seriously, I don't like people who put their dogs in uncomfortable dog clothing. The dogs hate it, you can tell. They look so.....ashamed and humiliated.
So yeah, soon my blog that was supposed to be comprised of my sarcasm soaked rants and music suggestions will be littered with puppy photos. I know you're excited, it's ok.
Other noteworthy topics for this week are:
It's May...why the FUCK is my heat on?
People are being bitten by rabid animals on Cape Cod. Big thanks to Mitt Romney for bringing rabies to The Cape!! We had a good run there folks, but for now you should probably stay far away from that raccoon that's out in broad daylight.
"Dan in Real Life" is a very good movie. "Lars & the Real Girl"? NOT so much.
That's all I got for tonight. I need to go read my "Dog Training For Dummies" book.
I also stocked up on all the essentials. Food, treats, nail clippers, food bowls, shampoo ect. And today I've learned something slightly sickening about myself. Apparently, when faced with pink frilly dog accessories I turn into Paris Hilton. Anna Belle has a pink leopard print bed waiting for her. She also has a pink leash and a pink collar that has cup cakes on it. Oh and her food bowl mat? Also pink and leopard print.
I don't quite know what got into me. Have no fear though, i've not totally gone over the edge. I did not buy a dog "purse" Nor did I buy any of those stupid dog outfits, and I don't foresee myself ever buying one. If I do, please stage an intervention. Seriously, I don't like people who put their dogs in uncomfortable dog clothing. The dogs hate it, you can tell. They look so.....ashamed and humiliated.
So yeah, soon my blog that was supposed to be comprised of my sarcasm soaked rants and music suggestions will be littered with puppy photos. I know you're excited, it's ok.
Other noteworthy topics for this week are:
It's May...why the FUCK is my heat on?
People are being bitten by rabid animals on Cape Cod. Big thanks to Mitt Romney for bringing rabies to The Cape!! We had a good run there folks, but for now you should probably stay far away from that raccoon that's out in broad daylight.
"Dan in Real Life" is a very good movie. "Lars & the Real Girl"? NOT so much.
That's all I got for tonight. I need to go read my "Dog Training For Dummies" book.
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